Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
