I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
