Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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