Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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