Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
