dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
