I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
my liver is dry heaving
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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