I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
