There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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