Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
