Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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