Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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