shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
