wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
