just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
