Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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