dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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