Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
