I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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