it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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