you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
