also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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