if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
