So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
