Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
