I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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