check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
