Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
