chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
