there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
