I haven't been this sober since birth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
