My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
