someone get that fucking seahorse.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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