We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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