I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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