after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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