i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
