You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
