We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
