oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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