I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
