her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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