Dude my mom stole all your condoms
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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