And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
