Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drunk is not a location!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
