She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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