I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
