Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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