Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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