Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
