wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
