Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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