whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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