Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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