I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
