Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
