I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
