her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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