he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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