you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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