i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
