Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
