sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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