you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
