goodnight i made you a song goodbye
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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