My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
