Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
