Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
