I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
