Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize