he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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